Most of us have experienced or witnessed discussions between friends, relatives, strangers, companions, spouses, colleagues and others that start with enthusiasm, lovingly and with positive energy. However, within a few rounds of back and forth discussion it falls apart and gradually gets worse ending to neither party giving up, leaving on their separate ways with frustration and dissatisfaction.
It may start with something like this; “what a beautiful yellow flower”…”yes. it is beautiful but it is more goldish than yellow”….. ”but it is kind of yellow”…..”well it seems more gold to me”…..”yellow”…..”gold”….. “yellow”…”gold”…..then it continues to escalate to ; ”you never listen to me”…..”you always dismiss what I say”…, “You never care about what I think”…, etc.
We give it different names and provide different justifications for those circumstances as having a bad day, getting up the wrong side of the bed, not clicking with someone, did not get a good night sleep, he/she is just that way, etc. and many other excuses.
However, where is it coming from, how can it be detected early and how can it be redirected to have a positive outcome. The answer may be found in this question. Most people when asked “what the difference is between a flower and a weed?”, say that flower is beautiful and weed is less attractive. So the answer is simple….. “Judgment”.
We always find what we look for. If we are truthful about our experiences, we can attest to the fact that when we look for good things in others, we always find it and when we look for bad things including being judgmental, we find that too.
Here are some energetic guide lines that can redirect your interaction to two different opposite directions:
- Negatively impacting the outcome: recommending what they should be doing under the circumstances, not allowing them to express their emotions by trying to dampen it, trying to force a resolution when it may be easier to not look for a winner and lovingly agreeing to drop it and to move on.
- Asking them to calm down, showing insincere empathies, telling them how they should be feeling,
- Positively impacting the outcome:
Express yourself fully but in a kind and sincere way, keep your voice low, most important is to be calm since it is the foundation for any self-defense whether it is verbal or physical, focus on making sentences that are presenting niceness, take your time to be silent when things escalate before continuing, remind yourself that arguing is noise and not communication when energetically you sense going that direction, try to create an opportunity to bring some level of laughter to the discussion. Remind yourself that discussion is about finding out what is right versus argument that is about challenging who is right.
“To argue with a person who has renounced the use of reason is like administrating medicine to the dead.” –
Thomas Paine
Regardless of all the reasons that our ego dictates for us to be right, the personal happiness is only measured by each individual regardless of the surrounding environment. The old Chinese story is that; “The student went to his master and said master, what is the secret to happiness. He said; not to argue with idiots. The student said; master, I completely disagree that this is it. The master said; you are right”.
Alex Abossein,
InnerFit, Oasis For Perfect Health